明日天涯

權借來當作題目。

昨日半夜,突然想起研究生有個同學是些詩歌與小説的,順手一搜,竟然找到了他的blog。很奇特,看著一個人的生活經歷與自己竟然是一模一樣。然後在看到這段文字的時候,不能抑制,淚流滿面:

“上星期五,在恒商的最後一個上課天結束了。
我們一起吃了一頓簡單的午飯,愉快地聊天,以歡樂的心情來道別。
「老師,博士是唸什麼的?」
「博士為什麼要唸三年這麼久?」
「老師要找人打字可以找我呀!」
……
我相信,中六四號班將會是我最後一班任教的預科學生。以後再也不會有這樣的機會,站在預科班的課堂上講課,從一個戰略與戰術的角度與學生分析考試,指罵那些總在第一節課吃早餐的學生……這些都是瑣碎而美麗的事,就像那些碎鑽一樣閃出亮麗的光芒。”

宇文所安說,記憶需要一些碎片來召喚。但當碎片召喚出所有的情感的時候,何能自持?我常常以爲,生命總會一路走下去,一路美好。但慢慢,我也開始領悟一些實事,這同時也是一個不斷失去與錯過的路程。

事到如今,壓倒所有感情慢慢呈露出來的,其實是擔心與不安。而當看到還有一群活生生的人那麽執著於行動上的堅持與努力時,尤感慚愧。並沒有結束,還有路途再陪著他們一起前行。我說過,會一直陪在你們左右。只是,不知道該以怎樣一種方式呈現。

ps,當我沉緬於太多的自責與難過時,文字已經完全不能表露我内心的十一。但我感謝這樣的一些文字,被記錄了下來。雖然是借著他人之筆,卻恍如發自我的肺腑。

 

星期三, 五月 27, 2009

告別的時刻

今天我跟中六四號班的同學道別,告訴他們我明年將要回中大唸書的事實。
我懷著極大的勇氣以此為開場白:「送君千里,終須一別。明年,我將會回中大唸書。」
同學從愕然到不能相信,最終黯然淚下。平常下課前夕的噪動、都歸於沉寂。空氣就像凝固了一樣,和同學木然的眼神那樣,讓人難以直面。
我只能說,這是艱難的決定,我希望大家能夠諒解。明年會有很好的人選接任,絕不在我之下。
我是知道的,在大家毫無心理準備的情況下要接受分離的事實,無論如何都會非常難過。甚至,同學即使諒解我的決定,心裡仍會有些怨恨。
我只能為所有同學送上我寫的一封信,默唸他們每一位的名字。
我是知道的,這一刻,再多的安慰說話,再多的鼓勵,都成了託辭。然而,我只能約各位同學下星期五一起午飯,作為一個告別的姿勢。
對不起,我的中六四號班。

張貼者: 阿律 於 3:40
下午
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